Whether you play golf at Tetherow, Pronghorn, Brasada Ranch, Broken Top, or any of the 30 or so golf courses in Central Oregon, this is hilarious.
Laws of golf
LAW 1:
No matter how bad your last shot was at Tetherow (see new construction at Tetherow), you should have Inner Peace knowing that a shittier one is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2:
Your best round of golf at Brasada Ranch (search for Cabins at Brasada Ranch) will likely be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3:
Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
Expensive clubs have also been known to be partly-made with this most unusual natural alloy.
LAW 4:
Golf balls never bounce off of trees and back into play at a Broken Top (search anonymously for custom homes at Broken Top) . If one does, the tree is breaking a law of physics and should be cut down.
LAW 5:
The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 6:
A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a fat football player,
a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent — or some similar combination.
LAW 7:
All long irons are demon-possessed. Your Mother in Law does not even come close.
LAW 8:
Golf balls from the same sleeve tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see LAW 3.)
LAW 9:
The last three holes of a round at Pronghorn will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 10:
Golf should be given up at least twice per year.
LAW 11:
All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until sunset.
LAW 12:
Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
LAW 13:
Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.
LAW 14:
It’s surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you are lying 8.
LAW 15:
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
LAW 16:
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
LAW 17:
It’s not a gimme if you’re still 4 feet away.
LAW 18:
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
LAW 19:
You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.
LAW 20:
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
LAW 21:
If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply use it to try to layup just short of a water hazard.
LAW 22:
There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands:
1) how many hands you have, and
2) which one is wearing the glove.
LAW 23:
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
Contact your favorite Bend Oregon Realtor to find out about golf course communities in Central Oregon.
